The Peculiar Life of Sundays...

This afternoon during lunch I found myself drawn to this past weekends edition of the Wall Street Journal. I was originally lured by an essay on Pirates which, I must confess, the older I get is a topic that never seems to lose its intriguing appeal. I suppose I can probably safely assume I am not alone in this fascination per the success of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Just this past Halloween I saw a woman dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow but that is probably drifting toward a discussion I am disinclined to acquiesce in this post.

After finishing the essay on Pirates I continued through the section and stumbled across a book review for a book entitled: The Peculiar Life of Sundays by Stephen Miller. After reading through the review and excerpt I am even more compelled to add this book to my Amazon wish list. I have often found myself thinking about the subculture that is Sunday and how it probably means something entirely different to each of us. Dependent on a number of influences, everything from childhood experiences to chosen profession, the traditions we are inwardly paving within the minds of our children has substantial root in generations that came before us. I struggle with believing that what we do has any significant meaning or lasting imprint upon peoples lives. While my struggles are undoubtedly shared with many, both previous and present, I would like to think we are striving not to create something relevant to culture but something relevant to Christ. In Him lies all the answers, I am sure, but to unravel the mystery that reveals those answers is a task I am in no means adept. In any case I found the review intriguing and thought I would pass it along...

The dissapointment of halloween...

As we discussed everyones Halloween weekend at work this morning, one of my coworkers mentioned Ed Levine's recent blog about the Ten Most Disappointing Treats for Trick-or-Treaters. I found it quite amusing and could relate with many of the top ten. I personally like candy corns and the small versions of your favorite candy bar (I agree fun size is a bit of an inappropriate name) but other than that I can relate.

Toothbrushes? Seriously? That is just plain cruel! It takes all the fun out of trick-or-treating. I don't want my kid coming home with that or any of the other stuff on the list. Isn't the reason we take the kids trick-or-treating is so they can bring home the good candy for us? Soon enough we are going to be left with a bag of suckers and tootsie rolls which will sit there until Crystal decides to go on a cleaning binge in the snack cabinet and they get tossed out.

Yesterday as Brayden and I were sitting on the couch disheartened in our (or my) agony over the Seahawks lack of offense he asked me to watch monkey (that is Brayden speak for Curious George). Since I figured monkey would be more entertaining than the game, I told him I would put it on if I could eat all his good Halloween Candy. Being only three and not really knowing much about candy yet he agreed. Okay so it's not true (other than the part about the Seahawks) that I blackmailed Brayden for his Halloween candy. I just fought Crystal for the good stuff when he went to bed.

Hope everyone had a good Halloween and checks out the pictures Crystal put up of our Astronaut and Recycled Lion!

Now that Halloween is over, I suppose it is time to begin thinking about the other holidays that are approaching way too fast. The best thing about Halloween being over though is that very soon I will be able to get reduced-fat Eggnog Latte's from Starbucks. Oh I can hardly wait as this is one of my favorite things ever!

If I could vote again I would vote for a shorter election season!

Yeah, I already voted and dropped my ballot in the mailbox this morning. No more trying to convince me who to vote for but one of my favorite authors posted a new blog which I found fun to read and thought I would share it here. I just couldn't resist and I had to write a comment back to him which I have posted below as well.

Happy Monday,
Trav

http://donmilleris.com



Don,

I am a big fan and glad you started a blog because waiting for your next book to come out has only further illuminated my diagnosis of suffering from an acute impatience illness. I have sort of latched onto the part above where you address the turning point in your life of realizing Democrat does not equal some sort of demon possessed supernatural individual. As much as I try to shelter myself from politics, I have to admit I recently heard reference to Barak as the Antichrist (which I actually laughed out loud to the person who was in all seriousness trying to explain this to me... I think I offended him). I have long since been convicted of what you have addressed above and believe I would like to vote for the best candidate but I probably won't ever be famous enough to be invited to meet a senator and his wife (or the other way around) let alone one that is running for president.

I read in your about what happens when we try to email them and I don't expect a phone call to work with much a better success rate. So how can I weed through all the poo the media feeds us continually (which is why, as I alluded to previously, I try to keep myself away from politics) to understand what the candidates really believe and who to vote for?

I too have already cast my ballot, but in Washington State, so I no longer need to be convinced who is the better candidate. Lucky for me, I was able to relay that I already voted to all the candidates that called my house yesterday asking for my vote. I am still slightly disgruntled as I was trying very hard to watch the Seahawks lose in peace and I kept getting interrupted. The idea just came to me, maybe I will have my three year old start answering the phone for the next couple of days, while my bad attitude disolves?

But seriously Don, how do you get around it? I can't go some place where they decide to not talk about the issue because then I am avoiding things again and that doesn't help. If I stay in my church I will be subjecting myself to the generations of right wingedisms telling me who to vote for. If I watch the media I will be subjecting myself to the variety of left wingedisms telling me who to vote for. Maybe if I decide to vote based on how SNL interprets the candidates? That seems as unbiased as everything else?

I guess I am just at a loss. For each election that passes my vote seems to be losing value at the same rate as my investments in the stock market. Then there is the whole issue of this exorbitant amount of money that gets spent on these campaigns. I mean, we have people with real problems that could use just a fraction of that money to really make a difference and I could go as far as saying it could probably save people's lives. It just leaves me at an even deeper loss of what to do.

Thanks again for the post Don!
Travis

Fireproof Junk Drawer

The days of teenage heartthrob Kirk have long since passed but I admire Kirk's desire to create movies that share his faith and can potentially change people’s lives. However, growing up in the early 90's I was personally a bigger fan of his sister and looked forward to the TGIF lineup like none other day of the televised week. Digressing, yet admittedly reminiscing on crushes from Junior High (not that I had a crush on a certain Full House actress but I am just saying...) is not what has prompted me to my current struggling perspective and desire to share it here. As Crystal mentioned in her blog we recently went to see Kirk Cameron's new movie Fireproof and we both enjoyed it quite a bit. Unfortunately, seeing the movie has only personally added to a mounting level of conviction in my own heart which promises to make this post apologetically longer that it probably needs to be.

However, before digging into the movie, I think I have to start with a number of recent influences in my life to put the complete picture in alignment.

The first of influences is the book I am in the middle of, Mark Driscoll's newest book "Death by Love".



Illuminating Christ’s love for us through all the junk that happens in life and how only in Jesus' death on the cross can we truly find freedom from that junk. The book is a compilation of a series of letters to whom I believe are all based upon the real lives of people he has pastored through the junk. I like to call it junk because I can think of no better way to explain the sins we commit against each other (the stealing, lying, cheating, gossiping, back stabbing, pillaging, and killing we continually do to each other).

As a kid growing up I had a junk drawer where I stored all my favorite possessions. My dresser had four drawers and I had one whole drawer dedicated to my junk. Allocation of my clothes was often times an issue but the bottom drawer always remained sacred and wholly devoted to the junk. Even, at this time in my life I can still recall many of the trinkets I kept within this drawer and most of them had little monetary worth but for some reason they meant something to me and I kept them safely hidden where only I could find them, out of sight from anyone that passed through.

In the same way, today I have a junk drawer within me that hides all of the junk in my life so that no one knows what’s inside it. A lot of us deem a special piece of our heart where we can sacredly store our secret sinful desires and problems. It’ s really cumbersome and I have to admit that carrying the junk around ends up getting pretty tiresome after awhile. Unfortunately, not very many us are really that good at keeping it completely separate and it has profound consequences on other areas of our lives. Sadly I think many people get so tired of carrying around the junk for so long that they feel they cannot escape from the weight and become hopeless to the point of wanting to give up. As Mr. Driscoll points out through each of the letters in his book, it is only through Christ that we can find liberation from all the junk in our lives.

Secondly I have been making my way through Mr. Driscoll's current sermon series on Song of Songs. With your imagination running wild on all the things that you have ever heard about the Song of Songs imagine a whole sermon series devoted to the book. If you don't know what the book is about, its goes on with phrases such as "lips like a scarlet ribbon... breasts like fawns..." well, you get the idea. The book is really all about a relationship and a dialog between the lover and his beloved. What I appreciate most about Pastor Mark's preaching is the fact that he is willing to discuss any and all issues that arise from the topic of having a relationship with your spouse and what God had in mind for us to intimately love our spouses. The things you were told as a kid not to talk about in public, he talks about them with a biblical perspective that is both refreshing and enlightening. It is not just about sex, it’s about being the husband God wants us to be and truly loving our spouses. It is so humbling to often reflect on his messages and be so disappointed with the husband and father I am when God has so much more in mind for me.

Thirdly, a song has been continually on repeat in my head from David Crowder, "Surely We Can Change." If you haven't heard the song before here is a youtube compilation I found with the song playing.



I thought it was a neat compilation but its been singing the lyrics out loud that have truly captivated my soul. The verses are my burdensome questions and the chorus my prayer. All this carries to a crescendo of resolution with "the world is about to change." Then much to my dismay the song ends and I am left sitting here in tears because I really do want the world to change and it hasn't. I guess it probably never will as long as I am just sitting here singing a song... as Mr. Crowder so eloquently has put it, "the problem it seems is you and me." This is what has been weighing my heart down lately, the problem of you and me.

Before I get focused on you and me though, I promised the movie. Fireproof is a man living his life for all the reasons we are continually told by everything around us to live our lives for. As his marriage is dissolving and divorce is imminent his dad convinces him through a dare to give it one last chance for 40 days. In that 40 day dare the man discovers Christ’s love and begins to understand what it means to love your spouse. Not to give away too much of the movie, if you haven't seen it, but it works both ways and the wife learns what it means love her husband as well. As with any Christian based movie there is a certain amount of cheesy dialog that causes you to cringe a little but that is expected and must be some sort of production requirement unbeknownst to the rest of us. Never the less, as I mentioned above, the movie is very enjoyable and a great conversation starter with your spouse. I would recommend seeing the movie and then having dinner with your significant other if you can arrange it. The car ride home just isn’t quite long enough.

The underlying message of the movie is pretty strong and, as alluded to previously, what has been troubling me the most as the common theme in all of the above influences I mentioned, is me. Wanting what I want when I want it and constantly wanting it. “It” is not a specific thing like a new car or a bigger house or anything like that, it's what I don't want or don't want to do in a particular given moment.

Maybe like changing a smelly diaper. Who wants to do that anyways? But rebelling and fighting my wife over the matter, that’s where the problem is introduced. Those of you that are parents, you know it really isn't that big of a deal and it takes a minute (or ten for some of us) and your done. The kid is happy, the smell is gone, and you can get back to what it was that was so important you didn't have time to change the kid to start with. The truth is the diapers don't really have much to do with it. It's having to do something other than what I had intended to do before the smelly kid came along.

Each day I find that so much of the day that I had planned out in my mind doesn't match the day that my spouse, kids, family, job, or friends had planned out for me. So what can I do with that? I wish more than anything I could rid myself of my own self-absorption and seek to serve. It sounds easy but it is so terribly hard and it is not like I am even succeeding a small portion of the time. I know in my skewed perspective I think I am bending over backwards but that I truly serve others very little in comparison to the opportunities that are presented to me.

I think that so many of the troubles that plague our relationships stem from this self-absorption with wanting to continually please ourselves before others. Personally, half the time I don’t even mind completing the requested act for someone else but what ends up killing me in the end is not getting recognition for what I have done. My pride takes over and I tell myself I am better than this, I don’t deserve to be treated like this, its my turn now, and you don’t understand what its like to be me. I go off and do whatever it is that I have convinced myself is the right thing.

I often like to think that I fulfill what it is that I have previously committed to do even at the sake of frustrating others when something else comes up. I remember being told growing up that you are a man of your word and as many things fail you follow through with what you say you are going to do. I was taught to believe that it doesn’t mean you can’t fail but if you do you make sure to apologize and do your best to make the situation right.

I find it is all too common for all of us to point fingers when things don’t end up in the outcome we want them to. When you have committed to do something and it ends up in conflict with something else you could be doing how are you supposed to resolve the conflict? I list priorities in my head in order of importance and that is what I follow despite introducing discord into what someone else has deemed a different list of priorities. It is often difficult when the situation changes and you can no longer do what you once thought would be no problem. Sometimes someone will point this out or I sometimes come to my own realization and then I end up plagued by guilt and it tears me apart within. I am frustrated with the other person because they don’t understand the situation like I do and I am upset with myself for not being able to do what I wanted to do. The guilt takes my legs out from underneath me and I fall down believing in my own failures and telling myself that this is all I will ever truly amount to. It’s a downward spiral and amounts to more of that junk I mentioned earlier.

Finally, I turn to God and he gazes upon me and says “My son, what are you doing? Have you forgotten again? It’s not about you and what you do or don’t do. I have already done everything that needs to be done and instead of you spending your time on all those things that aren’t really important, I just want you to focus on me. Leave the other things behind and just focus on me and doing what I told you to do. All else will happen when it happens. I love you and I want you to be telling other people that I love them too and that’s it. I’ll take care of everything else and I promise to be here to go through it with you.” Gaining the strength to get back on my feet I push aside many of the feelings. Never completely wanting to let go, I close the junk drawer again and act like nothing has ever bothered me nor ever will.

I think we all need to empty our junk drawers and stop hurting each other. We spend so much time focusing on ourselves and if we could choose to focus just a little of the that time on others, especially those that are in our immediate families, I think it would transform our relationships. Maybe the remedy really is within each of us individually? My prayer continues to be:

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change…

When I was king for a day...

There was a time when I was king for a day and the world was a completely different place. This is what it was like on that day...

It is a hard place to imagine and in a realm of which scarcity of souls have ever know. I was the mightiest that had ever been, yet the humblest servant only but a lonely few had previously accompanied the presence of. Owning it all, nothing was below me and none were forsaken a simple meal or dialogue with the least of everyone. Each day was the utmost glorious celebration in simply living another day and the most perfect array of cherry blossoms continually rained down from the heavens above.

Of my riches, they did not follow the traditional sense. I had learned it was not from coins that true happiness is derived. The many hands of the kingdom were not wrought with blood, sorrow, or sadness but the love of Jesus, for that is where true wealth can be gained. For every man, woman and child to know his love was the kingdoms quest. And the first question some may wonder, what we did with those that rejected the kingdoms mission? An offering twice the previous sum of love and then some forgiveness, because truly that overcame all. I was not above sweeping streets in front of every house or offering all that I was to any in need. Service was the foundation we built this kingdom upon and other places hardly compared.

The churches within were all but agone except the steeples which remained. The great bell towers proclaiming the glorious sounds of accompaniment with musicians abundantly upon every corner. With great joy came this praise and I would like to think it passed through the Earth to all of the heavens above. The father proudly glancing down with a large grin strewn across his face. We finally understood it's not about the church made of mortar but instead the church made of hands embracing one another.

Kingdoms far and near lined up at our gates to be a part of the bliss and when they left it was known from whence true joy does commence. Taking it back from where they came was the most wondrous part of all. Imagine... the whole world changed because of our small province? Wars ceased to exist and this revolution was bigger than any that had come before or since. The world surely was different the day I was king.

It's so sad it only lasted a day because the people made me face my end all too soon, just a day after I became king.

Love being a dad...

This morning I was listening to one of Mark Discoll's sermons on praying like Jesus and he was talking about being a parent and how praying is like talking to your dad. Many times God's answers to our prayers are the same answers that we give to our children. As Brayden gets older he is asking more and more questions. Often times he will sequentially ask the same question about a billion times. My latest tactic for defeating the barrage is to ask it back to him, with which his response is often the same as what I had answered the previous ten times. This usually allows me enough time to redirect him to something more exciting like cleaning up his toys or going to ask Crystal (she really likes this one). Thankfully we aren't at the stage where he is asking me why he has to do things yet(note to self... pray for more patience as this stage is coming).

In all seriousness though it is funny how that resembles our prayer lives often times. I wonder if God feels the same way I do when I answer Brayden and he asks the same question again, thinking I might change my answer this time? Like Mr. Driscoll referenced, I find myself answering Brayden with either yes, no or maybe later. Although Brayden doesn't seem to care what answer I give him, he will usually ask the question again. In my own life when I pray for something and I get the no or maybe later answer I find myself asking soon thereafter, how about now? It is a funny struggle, often not abetted by our culture, being able to get anything we want when we want and trying to constantly manipulate the environment to get what I think it is that I need. I guess that is a big part of growing up and maturing, being able to accept no as an answer and focus on other things.

The parallel understanding of being a parent to my children and more deeply understanding how God loves me as his child is so refreshing and continually being revealed in new ways as my kids grow. I have to admit that many aspects of my walk with God took on a completely different meaning when we had Brayden and Peyton as I am sure only someone who has had their own children can truly understand.

I think being away from Brayden for a couple of days and really being able to bond with Peyton has afforded me the opportunity to love them a little more. We came back and Brayden just seemed all that much bigger and it was as if he learned a whole bunch of new words. Listening to him tell Crystal and I about his adventures while we were away, Crystal and I just looked at each other and smiled in one of those moments that you wish you could just freeze for an eternity. This was followed the next morning by him coming into our room after waking up and looking at Crystal and I with a huge grin on his face, clapping vigorously and proclaiming "YAY" in his excitement that momma and dada really were home and him coming home late with us the previous night wasn't just a dream.

Peyton is getting into one of my favorite stages where she is not quite mobile yet but becoming very interactive and everything she sees is new and exciting. She will grab anything and everything within reach (and even the occasional thing that you are certain she can't reach but somehow is able to use that super human baby reach to grab on to) and her personality is being more clearly defined everyday. She did absolutely amazing on the trip and she just continually melts my heart. Crystal would tell you that I have been madly in love with this little girl since I first laid eyes on her but I have to admit that we really haven't too much just daddy-Peyton time. With a lack of available distractions Crystal and I didn't have too many places for Peyton to go besides to each other and Brayden wasn't there to distract us from her. It was fun and I look forward to daddy dates in coming years when she is a little older.

Brayden and Peyton are similar in some ways and very different in many others. To that end, I love them both in different ways and really enjoy seeing the beautiful little people they are becoming. Everyday I find myself falling in love with these kids all over again like the first day we met and it is beautiful to think that is how God feels about me as his child.

It was fun to go on our trip to DC and Crystal and I had a great time getting away. It was fun to see Angie and we wish Andy could have been there too. Angie and Crystal only ganged up on me a couple of times but I was able to retreat to my iPhone for solace and restitution. In seriousness I have to admit the iPhone is amazing and it was a big help on the trip in multiple ways. Of which I might add, Crystal received as much benefit as I did (at least that is the story I will stick to). In any case Angie and Crystal's goading resulted in dubbing the iPhone my second wife and naming the iPhone Jessica (or maybe that was me that named the phone Jessica? My memory seems a little fuzzy on the issue, but we shall leave it at that). I know Crystal has a better blog about our trip but I had to add a couple more images and anecdotes from our trip:

I like how Crystal mentioned in her blog that we went to the Library of Congress because what she didn't tell you about was about the journey to get there. She didn't want to go that way and it was hot outside (trust me not an ideal combination). However, I had the map and baby stroller and wanted to see the Library of Congress so I offered to carry Crystal's purse (several times) in an attempt to make the journey a little more bearable (she turned me down). It turned out to be one of our favorite fountains that we saw and got a picture of the three of us together.

My two beautiful girls in front of the fountain in the Art Sculpture Garden (another image from the garden follows at the end of my post because I don't really know where to put it, or even what it is supposed to be (even after looking it up on Jessica, wikipedia explained it to me and I still don't have a place for it)) (and insert Crystal rolling her eyes as I took the picture)...


Checking out the WWII Memorial...



Jessica captured the following photo of us cruising around Baltimore harbor...


And lastly, from the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History we captured a couple of our own images of natural history in the making...



Like I mentioned previously, it was a wonderful trip and I can't wait for the kids to take some US History in high school so we can come back and they can be our tour guides. I had a pretty intense Advanced Placement US History class in high school and I recall getting an A but it was over ten years ago now (as I have recently been reminded) and in all honesty it was public school. Next time we will have to spend some more time, seeing more things and it would be fun to come back during the Cherry Blossom time in the Spring.

Thanks for reading,
T~
PS Happy Birthday to my little man today!

The Shack...

Last month while Crystal and I were browsing the outlet stores in Lincoln City I came across one of the books high on my Amazon wish list, The Shack by William P. Young. I first heard about it through listening to one of Mark Driscoll's sermons (those that are close to me know that I absolutely love listening to Driscoll's preaching and believe it to be a big part of the renovation in my walk with God). He said in one of his sermons that if you haven't read the book yet, don't. So the next day I added it to my Amazon wish list. Since then, I have heard quite a bit of buzz surrounding the book and couldn't resist the purchase once I had the book in my hands. I finished the book over a month ago and I still can't get it out of my head so I figured I would write about it on here. This is seemingly becoming my outlet for getting stuff out of my head.

If you haven't read it, I will try not to spoil any of it (as hard as that will be), but essentially it is a fictional book (at least my copy says fiction for the genre on the back cover) about a guy named Mack who goes to a shack in the middle of nowhere and meets God in three distinct persons. God as an African American woman and an older man (he apears differently at different times in the story) referred to as Papa, the Holy Spirit as a woman named Sarayu, and Jesus as what else but a Middle Eastern carpenter. So, Mack is at the shack and he has a conversation with God as the three different people. That is it, end of the story.

I suppose there is a little more to it but not really. Mack lost his youngest daughter previously and the shack is where she was murdered by a serial killer. Along with that there is a little back story how Mack left home when he was in his early teens to get away from his father who was an abusive alcoholic. Mack, in his conversation with God, begins to trust God and see God as Papa, a name he previously could never call God by. He comes to the understanding that it is not God that has placed the bad things in the world but essentially the fall of man has brought sin into this world and from that sin is the reason that bad things happen. God tries to use those things for his glory but it is never his intention that his children should suffer the pain of the bad things that plague our world. Most importantly Mack begins to understand what it means to forgive. To forgive his dad for the abuse he suffered as a child and to forgive the guy that killed his daughter.

Pondering the thought on why bad things happen, It is beautiful to think that God doesn't really want bad things to happen to any of us and that any bad thing that does happen is the result of us sinning. If that is the case we can't really blame anyone for our lives many tragedies but I have to admit I don't find this very fulfilling. I am also not truly convinced this is the case. Why do bad things happen? It is a question that has been pursued for ages and I don't think a definite answer will be wrought anytime soon.

Getting back to the book, if you have read this far and haven't read the book you are probably wondering what the big deal is. You may even be thinking it doesn't even sound like a story worth reading but what is it that has stirred the hearts of so many? People that really enjoyed it are passing it along to everyone they can and then there are those that are willing to fall on a sword over the detrimental theological blasphemy proclaimed within the pages of the book?

The book is a fictional book and I understand the concern that Driscoll and others have about the way Mr. Young portrays the Trinity. However, I have to question your motivation for reading the book, or any book for that matter, if you are reading a book to understand theology. If you want to answer the question about who God is, I think you are looking in the wrong place. If you want to understand anything about God you need to be in the Bible because that is the only authority on such topic and anything that you read authored by someone other than God should be read with a certain level of skepticism and discernment.

I personally place Mr. Young's fictional work in a genre akin to the work of CS Lewis or Tolkien. It is easy for me to see why people have a much harder time with this book because there is a lacking abundance of mythical creatures such as the Centaurs conversing with lions or Orcs battling Hobbits (however on that note I do think I personally know some people that would qualify as Hobbits and am not entirely convinced they are indeed a mythical race). Having classified the book as such I don't feel the urge to wrestle with the questions and declarations of the book being heretical. I do question whether Driscoll did in fact actually read the whole book because having finished it myself I don't think that his criticisms of the book are valid. It would be easy to see how he could come to his conclusions if he was reading it simply to pull some criticisms out of the book but having read it for what it is I don't see how you can come to the same conclusions.

I personally just can't get the story out of my head and I keep asking myself why? The only conclusion I can come to is that people want it to be real. We don't want this to be a work of fiction. We want to know that Mack is real and that his story is true. Yes, it is a tragedy what happened to his daughter, but the fact that he can find forgiveness in the monster that caused him all that pain is nothing short of a miracle in itself. If that guy can be forgiven then surely my wrongs aren't that extreme and I can be forgiven. We want to believe we can have a conversation with God like Mack does and we can find the joy he as afforded for the pains in his life. Most importantly that God can be as real to us as he is to Mack and that he can be our Papa.

The truth of the matter is that God is all of those things we want him to be and if we could just get ourselves out of the way for half a second, we would see him as such. My personal discovery is that I have this little idol factory atop my shoulders and its continually manufacturing these idols that make me blind. Each day it's money, success, materials, family, friends, relationships, security, love, drugs, alcohol, sex and for me the list goes on and on. As soon as I bury one of them the factory is quick to produce a replica or something entirely different. In the moments when I can shut the factory down my heart begins to take over and all of the sudden God becomes all of those things I am yearning for him to be. I realize in worship of him he actually becomes more.

If I could just shut down that factory...

As we were driving home from the beach last month we rediscovered Shaded Red's version of When God Ran (http://www.myspace.com/shadedredwhengodran). It is a beautiful song about the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15) and God's love for us. We had just come from the beach where the waves crash into the sand and all the iniquities end up washed away and wiped clean without hesitation (a real life etch and sketch). I am continually messing up and everyday I feel like I find myself running back into the arms of God. Running to me, God grabs me in this giant bear hug and says, my son, I've missed you and I love you. Once again the iniquities are washed away and I can start over again. Finding the forgiveness in those arms is only thing that saves me from the constant barrage of atrocities I seemingly create for myself.

One side note I find intriguing about Shaded Red, in the late 90's they were in a tragic car accident that took the life of their drummer. I personally don't think that they were ever really the same after that accident. So why does God choose to do the things that he does, or does he really even choose any of it in the first place?

Alas, I must stop here and I have to apologize for another the long post. I understand if you didn't get this far. Before writing this I downloaded Coldplay's Viva La Vida, ran two miles, showered, and proceeded to drink two cups of coffee. All of which, in hindsight, was probably not the best combination. Now I need to get up in a couple of hours so I better be off but before I go I raise my last sip of coffee to my pursuit of shutting down that idol factory permanently...

T~

Our Little Big Man

We were getting ready for bath time one night when Brayden surprised us by coming out of the bathroom wearing my basketball shoes.

I play before work a couple times a week and don't always do a good job putting my shoes away when I get home (I really do try to make it all the way to the closet but sometimes it is difficult to make it the last ten feet of long journey). Needless to say this was one of those days when I only made it to the bathroom floor with the shoes and Brayden thought it would be fun to see how well he filled daddy's size thirteens with his feet.

I must admit that he is somewhat obsessed with basketball and we play quite often on his little hoop in the house (he also occasionally dunks on the hoop outside with Daddy's ball). When either of us misses he always proclaims "Ahh Misss!" This is amusing when just him and I are playing but often we stop for a couple of minutes to watch pickup games after swimming class at the YMCA and he makes this same statement anytime someone misses a shot. To the rounding middle-aged 6 foot bricklayer that once played basketball in high school, I apologize on behalf of my son.

I mentioned to Crystal, one day soon enough he probably won't have any trouble filling those shoes...

Building Campaigns...

I don’t really know how to approach this topic… I am struggling with this so much and I really do not know where my angst has come from. My heart has been so heavy since leaving church a couple of weeks ago and it has affected my attitude in a multitude of ways. As my wife can attest I haven’t been the most fun lately and not that this is the reason or any kind of excuse but the internal struggle going on within me certainly has affected other parts of my life.

Our church recently went through a building campaign to build a new church building for our neighboring campus a few miles down the road (we have been renting an elementary school to meet in on Sundays for quite some time) and to modify our existing building with new children and youth areas, a gym, and some other small changes. Last week was the big reveal of how much money people have pledged to give above and beyond regular giving over the next three years. But before I get there I should go to the service that has been weighing down my heart.

A couple of weeks ago we had Commitment Sunday where everyone was supposed to turn in their pledge cards and following the service there was a catered brunch for all in attendance as a means of celebration for turning in your pledge. I thought it might just be me but, as I was talking to my wife, she had talked to one of our friends about the service and she felt some of the same things as I had. So I thought I needed to go back and listen to the message again and maybe dig into it a little bit. I would like to say that everything was resolved by just listening to the message again and I didn’t have my coffee yet the morning while first hearing to the message. As would be suggested by the enormous amount of text below, I wasn’t able to resolve my issues by listening to it again.

In reflection, I think this has been building within me for some time and weighing me down more and more deeply. I don’t know how to find release and the burden is getting tougher to bear but maybe through writing down some of my thoughts I will feel a little better… I apologize for the length and random tangents but this post is more for me than anything else.

As our church approached this building campaign I wasn’t sure how I felt about it in general because on a deeper level I just feel that there is so much more we could do to minister to the people around us and it is not like we are bursting at the seems to outgrow the building we are in. When we get to the point were we are having church all day and the services are all standing room only then I might think its time to think about building a bigger building but at that point you would think that the volume of people in attendance would fund the building without much effort. Making the need for a campaign a non-event. I also think that if it is really God’s will for a new building then he will provide the means by which to achieve it without much of a forthright effort. I understand there are a lot of problems with thinking about it this way but never the less from a high level perspective this is sort of how I think about things and going into the campaign I didn’t have a big soft spot in my heart for it. I expressed my concerns to Crystal and we both set off to pray about it while at the same time being asked to be a part of the leadership team on the campaign. While I could have easily fulfilled the task that was requested of us for the campaign I just didn’t feel like my heart was in the right place and I didn’t want to be hypocritical in convincing people to support something that I wasn’t sure I supported. I am sorry to say I declined the request to be a part of the leadership team and continued praying.

One thing that I had been struggling with for quite some time prior to the campaign was how to define the proper level of sacrifice for living as a Christian in our culture. Both financially and physically what am I called to do? I have tithed 10% of my wages to my church from the time that I started working at sixteen and really never thought twice about it because I believe that this is what God has called us to. I know that all I have is really Gods anyways and giving 10% isn’t really a burden. To be honest, my family has never seen that ten percent and thus don’t really know what it would be like to live with it. Living without it isn’t really much of a sacrifice because we just assume it isn’t there and have built our whole life around it not being there. On top of that we sponsor a child in Guatemala on monthly basis and give to several other charities, organizations, and special mission events throughout the year. I guess if you were to add everything up it is much more than 10% but as I continue to develop my own beliefs I don’t think that there is a set percentage God wants us to give to him.

However, I will say that there have been several times we have overspent our allowance and made dumb decisions with the money we had but God has been faithful beyond all measure. I remember specific times we had bills due and didn’t know where the money would come from to pay them and a check would show up in the mailbox saying that they had incorrectly charged us on our mortgage and sent us a thousand dollars. On more than one occasion things like this have happened and it is no doubt Gods way of showing us if we are faithful, he will take care of us. My wife and I have come a very long way in stewarding our finances and I am very happy with our life. The American way is always bigger and better and more and more and in my heart I really don’t desire any thing else. Sure I see a nice car on the freeway and I say to myself that is nice or we drive past a nice house and I say wow that is nice but in my heart, between me and God, if I really felt him calling me and Jesus stood before me today as in Matthew 19:21 I truly believe I would do just as he said and drop it all. If it were truly of God, I know Crystal would trust me, she would follow me and without looking back we would take the kids and go wherever he wanted us to.

I find money to be a funny thing. It is the source of so many problems for so many people and yet it remains the definition of happiness for people. In much of our pre-marriage counseling we were told that one of the main things we would fight about would be money. Crystal and I found this to be very true and I would say that many of our conflicts have arisen from the use of our money and blaming each other for our spending habits. I am sure that many of you have been there where you don’t know how you are going to pay for something you rightly do or don’t need to pay for and thinking about it constantly you are on edge. It affects your relationship with your spouse and other areas of your life. It is like these chains get wrapped around you and you are this slippery slope, the more you struggle the further you begin to slide down the slope and despite your best tries you can’t get out of the chains to free yourself. Before you know it things are sliding way beyond your control. Then there are those times when we get a running start and dive headfirst down the slope but I suppose that is a different problem all in itself.

So if this is the cause of so much of tension within marriages and life in general do you think that God has called us to live on the fine edge where we are constantly worrying how things are going to work out? I wonder then do I just not have enough faith in God to take care of me? I have been given answers both ways to this questions by people I really trust and look up to…

I was recently reading in Acts 5 how it is talking about all the believers sharing all of their possessions. Living together and sharing what they had such that there weren’t any needy people among them. This part I think is pretty cool but starting in Chapter 5 we meet a man named Ananias and his wife. They set out to sell a piece of land and donate the money but before donating the money they decide to keep some of it for themselves. At first it doesn’t really seem like that big of a deal but as I kept reading I saw that Peter shows and says that they lied to the Holy Spirit and they both die. Ok, so maybe what they did was bad. They made a bigger sacrifice than most people I know today would by selling the land and donating any part of it. As I studied it a little more what I found was that their sin was in saying they were going to give it all to God and then in secret they withheld some of what they sold it for. The lie was the sin and it was meant to point out that God knows all and it is all Gods in the first place anyways so it doesn’t matter for you to keep it. My human nature tells me that what they did doesn’t seem to warrant the consequences. I need to spend some more time with this one thinking about it…

Sorry for the background but this is what I came into the service with bouncing around in my mind. So, coming back to the sermon on Commitment Sunday a few weeks ago, some of the things I came away with through words and actions were: 1. How much money our church raises in this campaign will determine how effective we will be at ministering to people and with enough money we will be able to build the right tools to minister to people. 2. Commitment is voluntary but if I wasn’t committing something I wasn’t committed to our church or to the vision of ministering to the lost people of our community. 3. No message of giving would be complete without a reminder of Romans 12:1, to offer my body as a living sacrifice. (what is it that Paul was trying to say there anyways? I will have to study this a little more) 4. Coming forward and placing my offering in the bucket at the foot of a cross and in front of everyone else to see how committed I am is a worship experience and even if I already pledged some level of commitment I need to come in front of everyone else and put my card in the bucket. 5. I can not give partially and should not doubt that this is Gods plan or as in Numbers those with doubting, pride, calloused hearts did not receive the promise. After reading this further I basically concluded that God killed the people for their grumbling in the desert. 6. Because God loves us and died for us this is our way of worshiping and honoring him. Love always leads to giving, thus writing down my commitment amount on the card is worshiping God.

Reflecting on that, wow there sure is a lot to unpack in the message of that Sunday and I am sure I missed things as well as misinterpreted things but I have replayed it in my head and listened a couple of times. There are certainly some things that have strong biblical ties and I think I would agree on the outside with a lot of the things there. As Crystal can attest, I am usually pretty easily convinced most of the time so why can’t I convince my heart that this is what God wants from me?

Moving forward a couple more weeks, our church revealed that it had raised more than $4 million dollars through the campaign, which I have to admit is very impressive. We will be able to build the new building with our sister campus and stop renting the elementary school on Sunday and get started on some renovations to our other current building. I think the cause is noble and I pray many people are reached for years to come. One question that will not get out of my head is from the Reveal Study that Willow Creek is in right now. If someone came to you and said here is a million dollars (or in this case, $4 million), take it and use it the best way you can to reach as many people that you can for Christ. What would you do? (If you have thoughts on this, leave it in a comment below) To be honest I wouldn’t even know where to begin…

There are so many different directions to go within my own community and if I pause to think about what I can do in the world as a community it is astounding! I started reading a new book and I am just barely into it but it is ripping my heart apart. “The End of Poverty: Economic Possibilities of Our Time” I don’t know what I will think when I am finished but some of the things he is sharing in the beginning about the African tragedy occurring right now can not help but bring tears to my eyes when I really stop and think about it. It is one thing to see pictures or read about of what is going on in so many parts of Africa and other places today. But when you stop and really think about it, 15,000 Africans die every day. Assume in the dense parts of the city there are 7,500 people per square mile and two square miles of people die each day. That is entire city blocks that are full of life today and tomorrow they are vacant. It would take less than a month and a half and the entire population of Seattle would be gone.

The tragedy of the world around us is that in our culture if we don’t have to look at it we don’t have to think about it. I heard this analogy of a small baby, if you place the rattle directly in front of the baby their complete attention becomes focused on it but as soon as you remove it from the babies sight they no longer even think about it. Can you imagine what it would be like to watch TV and every commercial was about the nightmare going on all around us that we could actually do something about.

Yesterday 8,000 children died of Malaria. Many of these children could have been saved for as little as 20 cents per child. A heart breaking price to place on the life of a little kid as precious to someone as my own two are to me. If the $4 million dollars were used for this one cause at 20 cents per child you could save 20 million children’s lives. Even further not another one of these children would have to die for the next 2,500 days or 7 years. I think that when things get put into perspective like that it just moves ministering to people to a whole different level. You are not just ministering to people you are saving their lives.

I am not saying that this is where our church should have put the money or anything like that at all. It just seems that there are some pressing things in this world that need our attention. If we are one church and we were able to raise $4 million dollars in a couple of weeks. Imagine what we could do with the church down the street and the one down the street from that one and on and on. I was talking to a guy at my work recently and found out that his church, that is in this same area, is also in the midst of planning a building campaign for their church. Talking with our parents recently Crystal and I discovered that their church (within walking distance of our church) is in the midst of planning a building campaign. Then in talking with Crystal’s sister, their church too is in the middle of a building campaign. Four churches within a twenty minute radius of each other and all building?

It just seems that the whole thing goes right along with the stereotype of the American culture of materialism. If we only had this then we could do that. The truth is God doesn't need any of it to reach his people... I personally didn't become a Christian because of the music Christians sing or the sports that they play or the way they look or any of that... I don’t live my life as a Christian because of any of that either. The realization that I was made to worship Christ and he alone is the only thing that will fill the depths of my soul. That is the message the people need to hear. They need to feel the real love that we can have for each other as people. It is really just all about Jesus and nothing more, nothing less.

So after saying all that I am not sure where this leaves me but with a heavy heart and anxiously continuing to pray and seek Gods will. I keep praying for him to soften my heart but I haven’t made very much progress on that prayer in the past few months. Everything I hear about the region that I live in is that the number of Christians is not actually growing but shrinking. Despite all of the building campaigns, it doesn’t seem like it is the lack of church buildings as a reason why we aren’t getting through to our culture. I can go into almost any community and find a number of different church buildings of all shapes, sizes, and denominations. On top of that I haven’t heard any testimonies of people actively seeking Christ leaving their church because the building isn’t the right size, shape, or color. Something is missing. Something is not quite right. Something has to change…

Thanks for letting me share something on my heart,
T~

On a slightly different subject, I am hoping my son will poop in the toilet soon. Crystal and I have decided Monday is the day we will begin potty training with an all or nothing approach. I am hoping for an all in the toilet approach personally…

Clam Hunting for the Electrical Engineering Nerd Within

So as my wife mentioned in her blog, we went out to our families cabin on Anderson Island Saturday. It was a great time with friends and family and the weather... wow! Anytime you can spend some time on the beach in Washington and it is in the 70's there isn't much room for complaining. I think that the kids (Brayden, his buddy Cooper, and Peyton in the front pack) had a good time and after awhile it became apparent that Brayden took it up as his own personal mission to throw every rock in the water (I think he would still be there throwing if we would have let him stay). After a leisure walk along the stone covered beach we discovered giant spiders, dead crabs, cool shells, and a squirting beach... I knew that the random squirts of water were clams and I decided I would try to catch one.

I decided I would try to stalk a clam and try my luck at catching one (yes I have a shellfish license so I was technically legally allowed to harvest clams and the beach we were on is open year round). I carefully walked up to where some clams were hanging out and waited for one nearby to give up its location by squirting a jet of water out of the ground. There it was, within a step of me, so I inched ever closer to his domain and as the most opportune of moments approached I began to dig with such ferocity as I have only previously seen Emma (my chocolate lab) dig up a freshly reseeded patch of missing grass in my backyard. I caught him by surprise and was able to grab his neck, the battle had begun and I yelled to Jeremy to come over fast and help me dig this behemoth of the deep from his lair. I lost track of time and our hands went numb from the cool crisp tidal waters but we eventually basked in the sunshine, claiming victory we hoisted our treasure for all to see.

I was quite taken at the size of our little friend and severely debated keeping him for a pot of clam chowder (I am sure he would have been sufficient for a whole pot). My logic got the better of me because I had not researched the toxins on the beach before our adventure and was not comfortable keeping our catch without such information. Having been the prey of bad shellfish, previously in my life, I am ok not reliving that experience. We put our clam back in his home and covered him back up and walked back down the beach toward the cars.

There was another group of people digging clams (pshh... they were using shovels) and my curiosity got the better of me so I had to see the extent of their catch. All the clams in their bucket were about half the size of the one we caught. After bragging about our catch they ogled at us with disbelief so Jeremy and I decided to run back down the beach (like baywatch without David Hasselhoff's short red shorts or Pamela Andersons upper body... although I guess that doesn't leave much) and grab our little friend. They were obviously more comfortable than I about keeping the clams so we parted ways with our dear friend once and for all. Rejoining our families (including my now sand covered son) we retreated back to the safety of the cabin to bathe, relax, and feast on chicken, potatoes, and homemade bread topped with cinnamon honey.
On a side note, upon returning home my curiosity again got the better of me (not that I had intended to return to the beach anytime soon for digging clams because my hands could probably not take that kind repeated abuse). I looked up the beach on the department of health's website but I could not recover specific information about the beach we were on. However, the one just around the corner (a couple minute walk away) was closed due to high levels of toxins so in hindsight it was probably a good decision not to consume the clam.

Of other matters, this weekend also afforded me the time to dig into a new book. I finished one last week so that means I should try to start reading two new ones (I only have about six books going right now...) I wish I could stop this but I think I am becoming addicted to books. Half of my wish list for Christmas was composed of books (I have to proclaim that my awesome wife got me every one on the list). I truly think I might have something wrong with me and my wishlist on amazon continues to exponentially expand (is there a recovery group to deal with this issue?) I am reading Becoming a Contagious Christian by Bill Hybel's, which so far I am far more captivated with than I expected to be and I just might read it all the way to the end. :)

On page 76 I discovered the best quote ever; "The wire is you and me; the current is God. We have the power to let the current pass through us, use us, and produce the light of the world - Jesus." Ok, so it isn't as inspirational to you as me, but you have to remember the context that I am an electrical engineer and spent four years studying electricity and all of its many properties. Additionally I recently spent many hours studying my rear end off to get my Professional Engineering License in the state of Washington (an eight hour test I am glad I will never have to take again). So in thinking about it a little more, since V=IR (that would be voltage equals current times resistance, for the rest of you), God's current is supernaturally strong and my resistance seems to be infinite so together that means we should be able to shock the world with all that is Jesus.

More musings and adventures shall come in my subsequent posts but for my first one I think this is adequate...